the kitten chronicles - part 185

The boys have finished off the off-white rug in the living room. Frankly, I think they are complete slackers. It took them almost a year to do it. What do their claws hurt or something? C'mon boys, put some effort into it will ya? Anyway the result is we now have bare hardwood floor. My Mother informed me this is a very popular look these days. So apparently the boys were just trying to get me up to speed with current interior design trends. The fur brains are clearly trying for the dramatic "sparse" look you see in architecture magazines. You know, where the room has virtually no furniture at all - just a block of marble in one corner placed just so. This means the rest of the furniture must go. The brocade wing chair is done. Nice work, lads. The boys are now focusing their efforts on slashing up the couch and the two remaining chairs. If they don't get too distracting by the new pussy willows.
There is something about fresh pussy willows that cats find irresistible. They cannot rest until every single furry gray bud has been ripped from the branch and chased across the slippery hardwood floor. Wait, now I get it. They only destroyed the rug so they could properly chase the fallen pussy willows! This means they don't really know anything about interior design after all. I better call off the interview between the boys and HG TV. Although seeing Rooney in a little ascot would have been very memorable in my opinion. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 184

It seems Rooney's traumatic experience with the outside world has smartened him up. Now he looks outside when I open the door to bring in the Globe and Mail and if it's raining (and isn't it always these days?) he turns back inside as if he knows standing under a yew tree soaking wet and shivering is not at all desirable. Instead he immediately flops on his side in front of the hot air vent and begins to purr loudly. Indoors is OK. Just look at the feral cat with ratty looking matted fur and snow on him. Wouldn't want to be him. And so begins another day in the indoors paradise that is Casa Big Cat. Yesterday, the boys enjoyed a full day of the house with the furniture in a new position. For them it's like changing the rides at an amusement park. So they eagerly ran at full speed across two tables leaping over chairs - new and more challenging obstacles! Change is good. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 182

The boys are avid watchers. During the day they sit on a chair and gaze longingly out the french doors. Their heads turn on a swivel at the arrival of a new bird or squirrel. They can happily spend hours just watching. But they are on tight schedule. The afternoon means they go to the front of the house to await the return of the Big Cat, their self-appointed leader. Last week I was getting out of my car and there they were all exciting to see me- perched in the window. I waved and they pawed the glass. Then I saw Weed, the 40 pound neighbourhood tom on the front porch next door. So I thought I'd show them a real cat. I picked Weed up and carried him over and then I held him up to the window waving his huge paw menacingly at them. Knowing there was glass (and safety) between them and the giant cat they put on a good show of "let me at him, I'll pulverize him!". Weed just grinned a knowing older cat smile. " Disrespectful punks", he thought to himself. "C'mon out and play, kittens, I'l show you a thing or three!" This holding up rival cats thing entertained me so much that last night I came upon the "Furry Intruder", the black cat who had invaded the boys turf only last weekend. He was walking along in a happy mood (probably thinking about the intense humiliation he had inflicted upon the lads) So grab him up and carried him to the window to show the boys. Their reaction was horror. Their eyes went wide with terror and they both ran off the couch. Probably to guard their food. That's what I'd do. Of course in my case I'd guard my beer. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 182

Things are back to normal at Casa Big Cat after the drama of the weekend. The boys remember the outrage of the home invasion and I still find them in the front hall trying to stare through the letter slot. Is he out there? I don't know I can't see him. Can you see him? "He" is the Furry Intruder who terrorized my 2 tender, weak-kneed charges. I think they may be also checking the lock on the front door to make sure the door wont blow open again. Came downstairs this morning to find that they had happily destroyed the roll of paper towels that Gorette had left on the counter. Rookie mistake! Paper towels are more of a challenge than toilet paper to shred so the results are not the boys best work. They can do in an unattended toilet paper roll so efficiently it looks like a light snow has fallen in the room overnight. Quite pretty, actually. But time-consuming to clean up. The fur-faces also pulled out 6 sponges from under the sink and deposited them in different hiding places around the house. So yes, we're back to normalcy at Casa Big Cat. That said, our normal is complete mayhem. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 181

Rooney is a sucker for a jingling bell. All I have to do is shake the bell and he runs into the "office" like one of Pavlov's dogs. Then I simply pick up Rufus and deposit him into the room and Casa Big Cat is ready for a visit from Gorette. Rooney's impulsiveness is at the heart of theory #2 in the great mystery of what happened when the door blew open. So here goes. The door blows open. Both the boys stare outside. We could go outside they think to themselves. They look at each other. Are you going outside? Me, no. You go first. No, you. No, you. Then the Furry Intruder walks onto the porch and strolls into the house. Both the boys stand with their jaws hanging open. The nerve of this fellow! Then the black cat addresses Rooney with the 5 most feared words in all catdom,
"I'm the new cat here". Rooney is terrified and runs out into the rain and finds a dry-ish place under the yew tree. Rufus shows the new boss where the food is and the litter box. Soon they're both telling jokes about Rooney and snickering in that disturbing cat way. Then Rooney strolls back in the house with the cavalry (the Big Cat) and the coup is thwarted. The new ruler is deposed and chucked onto the the front porch in the rain. Vive la revolution! xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 180

What happened that fateful day I found the front door wide open and Rooney standing under a bush in the rain? There is no real
way of finding out- but here is Theory #1. First, the front door blows open. The boys gaze outside longingly - freedom beckons.
Rooney, the impetuous one walks outside. Rufus, the cautious, sensible one watches his brother from the dry, warm safety of the front hall. "Wow, it's wet out here and cold - I better find shelter", thinks Rooney as soon as he gets down the front steps. So he goes under the Yew tree and cowers mewling pitifully. This desperate mewling attracts the attention of a wandering neighbourhood cat- namely "Mr. Furry Black Interloper". He walks over, ignores the wimpy Rooney and walks in the open door to get out of the cold. Rufus is agast! Just like he predicted bad things have started to happen as soon as his brother ventured unwisely out into the cold, cruel world. The Interloper walks around like he owns the place. Even eating the boy's Hairball Preventing Weight Maintenance Indoor Cat kibble. (Delicious, by the way, even if it does look like rabbit droppings, the intruder notes, thoughtfully). Then, just as Rufus is about to pass out from the sheer outrage of this in walks the Big Cat with Rooney right beside him. Tomorrow, we will continue with Theory #2 of what happened. Stand by. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 179

This weekend the Casa Big Cat was subject to a home invasion. Wait, before you have visions of the Big Cat duct-taped to a chair let me say it was a home invasion of the furry kind - and entirely my fault. Yesterday I went out in the bitter April conditions to do a couple of quick errands. When I got back I was greeted by the terrifying sight of Rooney standing under a bush outside in the rain. This threw me into a blind panic - how did he get outside? did he sneak past me as I was heading out the door? Unlikely. Then I saw the front door wide open. Oh no! I must not have closed it all the way and the gale force wind blew it open. Rooney looked scared out of his mind. I called him and he ran back onto the porch and inside the house. He stood on the front mat with a look that said, "wait until you see what else has happened." I was worried that Rufus might be outside, too so I called inside the house to him. I heard a meow in response. And then I entered the living room. To my surprise there were 3 cats in there. My boys with their backed arched, all puffed up in defensive mode. And a big fluffy black cat with a blue collar. I asked him what he was doing in our house. He meowed in a deep voice (probably just showing off in front of the 2 terrified boys). So I scooped him up and tossed him out the front door into the rain. The boys looked at me like, "Thank God!" Then they spent the rest of the afternoon peering through the mail slot in the front door to see if he was still out there. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 178

When you're the leader of a family of cats people expect you to know things about cats. Frankly, when questioned I just make stuff up. So when I encounter legitimate cat expertise I am impressed. Like when Rosie, the kindly cat sitter, informed me cooly that cats don't like their water beside their food and that she puts out water for her cats in a variety of places throughout her house. Kind of mini water stations. Aha! This explains why the fur brains regularly knock their water bowl over. They've been sending me a message. As for what water they prefer- I'd have to say they like Crystal Springs from Caledon. How else do I account for their behaviour when I fill a glass for myself? The boys immediately come over and leap at the glass in my hand trying to knock it from my grasp. And if this doesn't succeed they then go over and suck on the Crystal Springs tap. Very unsanitary! I can just hear Joanie now -" Steve those cats have got to go they're contaminating the water supply!" Just as long as they stay away from the Big Cat's beer. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - pat 177

This just in. New hope for world peace! Yes, that's right if dogs and cats can get along together surely humans can. Last night the fur-faces were surprised and intrigued by the arrival of SweetPea a tiny creature that appears to be a dog. Initially the boys weren't sure. They arched their backs and puffed themselves up, all the while dangerously circling Steff's tiny weiner dog. What the heck is this? They weren't sure and kept patting Sweet Pea were their paws maybe to make sure that it was real and to see what it would do. So as Sam and Bee and I made macaroni the cats very slowly pursued the newcomer throughout the house. I can't say any really understanding was reached, but there were no hostilities to report. No scratching, clawing, or biting took place. In fact,
Sweet Pea did better with the boys then Jason did. Although both of them tried climbing on the couch to get away from wanted feline advances. And in the end last night the game was called on account of allergies. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 176

Last night the boys and I were enthralled by the latest Maple Leaf heroics. Both of them marveled at the plucky tenacity of the local team as they came back to tie the Bruins in the 3rd. And ended up winning the game in a shootout. This morning in the Star the winning goal by Kadri was described as" looking like a kitten playing with a ball of string." Of course this gave the fur-faces some
ideas. Could they help train the Leafs with their cat-like moves and assist them in their brave goal of making the playoffs at this very late date? Rooney volunteered to show how he catches individual drips from the basement sink tap with his laser-like front paw speed. Rufus offered to school the team in reflexes he employs in ducking just at the very last second before his insane brother leaps at his head. One problem. This would have to be dry land training. The boys would definitely dislike the feeling of
ice on their paws (they are indoor cats after all) So it would be better if the Leafs came to Casa Big Cat for their training. What the heck, anything to get the Leafs into the playoffs, right? Rooney has even said he will wear the blue cape he was given to prevent him from licking his former nuppins. O.K., he didn't say that, he hates that cape. But maybe we can work something out. xxx dad