the kitten chronicles - part 127

What the hell is that!!!!!! It's a tree right in the living room!!! The boys are extremely excited and are swarming like sharks around the Christmas tree. They've never even seen a tree except out the window so no wonder they're all worked up. First they laid on the blanket thinking it was a new nesting area I'd put out for them. "Thank you, Big Cat, this is very nice." Then, I had to kick them off when I brought the tree in the house. They then spent half an hour just playing with the plastic string that tied it up.
Simple pleasures. That's what counts. The true spirit of Christmas. The decorations won't be put on until Friday so greater amusement is yet to come. Blinking lights, tinsel and every thing hung at just the right height for batting at - they're going to think this is some kind of kitten amusement park. Oh, the carnage that will ensue! Peace on earth my butt. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 127

When trouble is headed your way at high speed - duck. It's a simple life lesson provided by the boys. Rooney comes flying at Rufus and he merely crouches down and neatly avoids the collision. It's quite graceful actually this feline ballet. And it's a good thing Rufus can avoid his flying, heavier brother. Otherwise they'd both tumble in a heap down the stairs, into a wall, or off the counter. There's a surprising amount of leaping at one another going on at Casa Big Cat these days. All part of the holiday season excitement, I guess. Cats can sense it, too. Something's up. Wait until the Christmas tree comes into the house. Great for climbing! Hey, what's this sticky stuff on my fur? Watch me knock this ornament into the next room! All is calm? Not so much when you have two hyper-energetic boy cats. But it's all good. There are many decorations that should have been chucked a long time ago and the fur-faces will simply accelerate the process. What's this? It's obviously a new cat toy! Ooops, it broke. Oh well, next. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 126

Do they know it's Christmas after all? Who can tell with the fur-brains? All I know is the energy level at Casa Big Cat is now cranked up to high. Maybe the boys read the kindly cat doctor's reco to cut their food back and now are determined to show that they have energy to burn. The lads no longer follow me around. They have much more important things to do on their agenda - namely chase each other. Plus there's some serious biting going on. Last night as I struggled to watch Glee I was rudely awakened by a huge thump! Rufus had just fallen from the 2nd floor balcony to the floor of the living room. He was shaken, but OK. I guess it's true about cats that they can handle falls from enormous heights, but still it was scary for us both. The big question is did he slip or was he pushed? Rooney when confronted with this charge merely blinks innocently and flips his tail in a noncommittal who me? kind of way. No witnesses. And the security camera jammed. "Too, bad", purrs Rooney,"too bad".

the kitten chronicles - part 125

Would losing their nuppins cause the boys to become lethargic layabouts prone to massive weight gain? Well, according to the instructions from the kindly cat doctor this is often the case. The instructions strongly urge you to cut back on your cat's food by 30%. And just in case you didn't understand they tell you again in no uncertain terms - cut your cat's food by 30%, idiot cat owner! With 2 cats that would be 60%, right? Boy, the fur-faces are going to think they've been sentenced to Siberia. "Please Big Cat, can we have some more?" I can hear them pathetically mewing at me. But all this food restriction is based on the supposition that they've lost their mojo - and I'm here to emphatically state this is not the case. In fact, they seem to have introduced a new winter fitness program. It consists of violent high speed chases up and down the stairs right when I get up. I suppose this is just to get the kinks out of their furry bodies since they've been sleeping. Another theory is one thinks the other has his nuppins and has hidden them somewhere in the house. So he chases his brother around trying to force him to disclose the location of the missing nuppins. Whatever the cause there is so much activity that I'm not cutting back their food one tasty morsel of kibble. Rooney needs fuel to catch Rufus because only Rufus knows where those precious nuppins are tucked away. And of course vice versa. Run on boys, run on! xxxdad

the kitten chronicles - part 124

Presenting the amazing Roodini Escape Artist extraordinaire. Opened my bedroom door this morning and the boys rushed in. With one pretty funny difference Rooney was now wearing quite a fetching blue skirt (maybe he'd rather it be considered a kilt) He had managed during the night to get both his front paws through the collar of shame the kindly cat doctor had put on him and was very close to making a complete escape. So what the heck - I took it off. Rooney was back to his old self leaping around with pride. I took the offending cape/collar/ skirt and put in on the kitchen counter. Then I sat down with my OJ and started to read about the Leaf's nightly humiliation (see Rooney humiliation is a Toronto tradition - feel better?) I looked up from the paper to see 2 cats charge by me. Good they're back to the old high-spirited, testosterone-filled days before the cruel nuppin-lopping took place. Then I noticed something hliarious - Rufus had climbed up on the kitchen counter and slipped his head through the collar/cape (clearly to mock his brother) and was now wearing it while being chased by Rooney! Rooney caught him and dispensed some fitting cat justice, the collar fell off and all was back to normal again at Casa Big Cat. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 123

The caped crusader is miserable. You would be too if you had to walk around all day with a bright blue dental bib on. Rooney pretends it's not there but clearly it is affecting his morale. Plus the bib/cape is turning him into a contortionist in his attempts to reach his nether regions. He's twisting into a pretzel on the living room floor every night. And his brother just glares at him "Idiot, that thing is meant to prevent you from licking back there!" Rufus is not without some sympathy though. Sometimes he will walk over and lick Rooney head in a comforting "there, there" manner to show feline solidarity. But mainly it's a whole lot of Rooney doing the worm dance on the hardwood. The blue does coordinate very nicely with his black and white fur, though. And when he does drool he's covered. 5 more days - you can do it Rooney!!!! xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 122

"Raise a little hell, raise a little hell, raise a little hell." Rooney's theme song has landed him in the cone of shame. But let's back up. Yesterday was Nuppin Day. The boys were delivered to the kindly cat doctor early in the A.M. I got the call later that morning that everything had gone well - no stitches! - and that I could pick them up after the drugs wore off at 6:30. When I arrived that evening the nurse told me, "one of them is a trouble-maker". "Would that be the black and white one?", I guessed. Yes. As soon as Rooney came out of his drug induced stupor he began to gnaw at where his nuppins once were. So now he is encased in a blue plastic cape that makes him look like a kind of weird cat clown. This is very disheartening for him. The plastic cape makes a crinkling sound when he lies down. And is a dead giveaway when he tries to sneak up on anybody. It also makes him look so strange that Rufus hissed at him when they were put back into their carrier. Still, it's only for a week I tell him. It makes you look like a super hero. Rufus just laughs, "Ya, Doofus Man." xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 121

Today is the day before "Nuppin" day. A very big day for the boys. I have to hide their food and water after midnight tonight. And have them delivered to the operating theatre by 8 tomorrow morning. When they awake it will be a whole new world. One where Sam's purse can safely be placed on the floor without fear of territorial markings. Also in many cases I've heard the nuppinless feline is more docile and tends to lie around all day. I'm not sure how the boys could possibly sleep more but I'm sure they'll do their darnedest to squeeze in a couple more hours of shut-eye. I have trained them successfully to lie in the giant Betty bowl when I'm working at the dining room table - otherwise they get heaved onto the ground if they try to bat at my pen or lie on my pad of paper to prevent me from working. So now they leap into the bowl and get patted as their reward. Small problem. Only one cat fits in the bowl at a time. So it's first come first served at the Casa Big Cat and tough kibble for the slow cat who doesn't immediately jump in the bowl as soon as I sit down. Wonder if Betty has another huge bowl? This kitty casserole thing is going over huge! xxxdad

the kitten chronicles - part 120

Rooney feels he would survive better in the wild than Rufus. Why? He is always ready. I come up the basement stairs and I see just the barest hint of a cat's ear and as I near the top there he is ready to pounce. He is always ready to respond to an attack from his brother. "Ah ha you thought you would catch me by surprise brother, but I was ready." But Rufus is rarely planning an attack. He finds the whole thing silly to an extreme. Often he just walks casually by his brother sees him in defensive mode and he shrugs in a cat- like way. But should the day ever come when they're both stranded in the jungle then Rooney's superior skills at fending off an ambush will come into play big time." Tiger? Saw you coming a mile away! I was so ready! I was born ready! That Rufus, he'd just be a snack for the tiger." Maybe this will be useful if the boys ever become outdoor cats. Rooney will be ready for Weed (the huge 40 pound neighbourhood Tom)" Ya, ready to flee for his life", says Rufus snickering in a cat-like way. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 119

I have finally figured it out. The boys are pottery critics. And pretty darn tough ones at that. Don't like the colour? Smash!! Wow, this one isn't symmetrical. Crash! What was the potter thinking? Bam!!! They are working their finicky standards through all the earthenware at Casa Big Cat. Nothing stands up to their intense scrutiny. "This potter should be sentenced to life without a kiln", they mew with venom. The other night I was watching Ghost and the pottery scene came on - the boys attacked the TV. And I don't think it was Demi Moore's acting that provoked them (although that might have added fuel to the fire). Could it be that cats have an aversion to all things clay? Maybe it reminds them of kitty litter? Anyway the toll climbs alarmingly higher on a daily basis. Last night another Grandy bowl bit the dust - that's 2 in less than a week!! Then it's time for the Big Cat to Pick up the Pieces as the Average White Band used to sing. I'm thinking of putting rubber bowls on my Christmas list. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 119

The boys enjoy captivity. They happily leap into their cage. What the heck, it's just another grand adventure to them. We were off the the kindly cat doctor again for another round of shots. These fur-faces will soon be able to survive anything - plague, ebola, anthrax even cooties. Which is more than you can say for the Big Cat. Brought them back to the house and Gorrette marvelled, "They are sooooo big!" "Once there were just leeetle paws sticking out under the study door, now they are lions, no?" Well, yes. They think they're lions. They try to one-up each other in how high they can perch. To be able to spot their prey, of course. And in a weird turn of events Rufus now curls up in the giant Betty bowl on the dining room table. Kind of a kitty casserole. Just needs a flakey pastry top. Rufus would probably be OK with going in the oven, too. So warm! "This is even cosier than that cat cage and the carrots and onions in here with me are delicious!" "Rooney will never find me in here in a million years!" I've just noticed that cats need a lot of exclamation marks when they speak. They could work in advertising. SAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx dad