the kitten chronicles - part 175

Here's my impression of the first man to land on the sun. "Ooo aaah! OOOoo! Aaa! (accompanied by much jumping around) Well, it killed on the Gong Show as a gag. But it's also the perfect impression of the first of the boys to put his paws in snow. Rufus stepped outside yesterday during the big March blow and he didn't really like it that much. "What's that freezing cold stuff on my paws!??" Followed by many tiny dance steps and a sprint back into the cosy confines of Casa Big Cat. Told you lads, the great outdoors isn't all that great -particularly in late winter/early/false spring. No sane cat goes out in this. Except the feral cat.
Remember boys, "see the cat with the snow on his fur, you can see he's been crying..." Stop clawing me. OK, I'll stop singing if you
stop mauling me. Hey boys, what to see my impression of the first cat on the North Pole? Didn't think you would. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 174

Cats are known for their amazing reflexes. That's why we say, "Wow, that Pete has cat-like reflexes." We don't say," Pete has dog-like reflexes." The boys are constantly honing this innate ability. Every day there are harrowingly narrow misses that could seriously mess them up. One cat suddenly leaps and the other ducks averting a crash that would be like demolition derby. This happens in Casa Big Cat all the time and it doesn't seem to concern the fur-brains. Me, I'm like "that was close- you almost killed him." And the boys just shrug their feline shoulders in a Trudeau-like gesture of who cares. Well, I care for one. What happens when their famous reflexes dull just a little - say, with the added weight gain of too much soft food? Mayhem, that's what. Crashing cat bodies all over the place. And who will get hurt? The Big Cat. A lot of this jumping and ducking takes place in the air space just above my head. It's like the Snowbirds air show but with fur. I'm like a big America's Next Top Model- watching air controller in my tub chair. Except I don't clear anyone for take-off. In fact, I'm declaring a no-fly zone around the Big Cat. Frankly, my reflexes are definitely more dog-like. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 173

Rooney thinks he is Jean Claude Van Dam. He struts around the house rolling his muscles in a way that summons up "The Muscles from Brussels", Van Dam's famous nickname. Being a smaller cat he smartly decided not emulate Arnold or Sly. But his "look at me
I'm magnificent" walk has just the right JCVD note. He could become a famous celebrity impressionist with this act. Rufus thinks
his brother looks ridiculous with all this muscle-rolling stuff and secretly snickers when Rooney walks past. Somehow the notion of styling yourself after a D-list Belgian action hero is entirely laughable to the sensible ginger cat. "What's next, speaking Flemish?", Rufus thinks to himself and shakes his head. He is quiet about his criticism though, because frankly Rooney could pound him into schnitzel or whatever it is the Belgians eat. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 172

Bee remarked how big the boys are now during her visit last night. And it's true they are grownup medium-sized cats. They'll be one year old in April. With that one year they've learned a lot. Here are 10 things the boys have learned in the last year. #1 If you get inside the bathroom knock over the dried flowers as soon as possible because the Big Cat will find you and throw you out of there. #2 Pussywillows are delicious #3 Rubber gloves in the basement are tasty, too #4 Hot air vents are the best place for a nap
#5 Water tastes better from the tap than the bowl #6 Never attack a cat when he is in the litter box #7 If the Big Cat sings you must attack him or he will continue #8 Jumping on the Big Cat's head after he falls asleep watching Cake Boss is very funny!
#9 Run as fast as you can after jumping on the Big Cat's head after he has fallen asleep while watching Cake Boss #10 If you purr the Big Cat will forgive almost any breakage. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 171

We are all creatures of habit. The boys especially. So what happens after 2 weeks of scratching at the Big Cat's door to wake him up
with no response? Or 2 weeks of lying at the front door awaiting that very same Big Cat's return from work - that never came. It brings a tear to the Old Big Cat's eye thinking of his lonely spurned charges. Anyway, they're not scratching at the door - at least not this morning (or yesterday come to think of it.) My furry alarm clocks are off the job. Maybe it's daylight savings that has thrown them? But then how to explain that they no longer greet me at the front door when I return home after a hard day at the lab? Instead, I can only surmise their little kitty hearts have been broken. And they done changed their way of living. Oh, how I miss their tender greeting. I hereby vow to regain their trust with a campaign of vastly increased lovin'. Maybe 2 cans of soft food tonight, boys! xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 170

The boys are in training. I'm getting them ready for the outside world. First, they need to bulk up. Weed still outweighs them by
20 pounds easy. The fur-brains are now constantly hungry, so weight gain should be no problem. I now give them hard food (cat chow) in the morning. And soft food where I arrive at night. But even as they effortlessly devour this they swarm me for more.
Feed us! Feed us! Big Cat, we are hungry!! Size I can help them with. But what about street smarts? Cars. Dogs. Hell, coyotes! It's a
dog eat dog world out there. And when the dogs aren't eating each other they eat small cats like the boys. I need to train them in
tree climbing and like-minded survival skills. Yet the Big Cat was never much at climbing - I failed climbing the rope in gym as
my mother painfully reminded me the other day. Maybe instinct will take over. After all I never taught them to meow - some things just come naturally to cats. One thing I don't need to concern myself with is the sharpness of their claws. They've been keeping them oh- so pointy and perfect at the expense of every chair in Casa Big Cat including both leather recliners. Thanks, boys keep up the good work, remember you're in training now. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 168

Do cats have a sense of humor? Maybe. Yesterday I turned on the water in the kitchen sink for the boys like usual. And Rufus has learned how to turn off the water by sitting on the handle. So Rooney is trying to drink from the tap and Rufus sits on the handle. No water. I swear Rufus smiled at his very pissed off brother staring at him. Cat pranks could accelerate from here. Now Rooney will dip his brother's paw in warm water while he's sleeping causing him to pee. Hilarious! Rufus will retaliate by placing a whoopee cushion on the pillow by the front window. Rooney's next step will be carefully putting a layer of Saran Wrap over the litter box. Rufus counters by offering his brother an exploding cigar. Rooney responds by inviting his brother to sniff the flower on his lapel- and then it sprays him with water! Rufus offers to shake and make up - but he has a buzzer hidden in his paw! This is all well and good just as long as they don't involve the Big Cat in their practical jokes. The day they put shaving cream in my tennis shoes will be their last day on earth. This I solemnly promise. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - part 167

Ever been given the cold shoulder by a feline? This is the Big Chill times two at Casa Big Cat. And who can blame the boys? Their leader, the self-proclaimed Big Cat, thoughtlessly abandoned them for a fortnight. Alone, but for occasional visits from the cat sitter and Bee, the boys eeked (Eek!) out a miserable existence in a house that was cold and under-lit. Then, that very same Big Cat struts back in and expects a royal greeting - I don't think so, mister. The fur-brains brush by me ignoring me willfully. No affection for you, Big Cat - "Big Betrayer" is more like it! Big Fink. Big Heartbreaker. We will show you. We will take a toilet paper roll and reduce it to tiny white snowflakes and spread it throughout the entire house to show our displeasure. And that's just for starters! Our wrath will be withering! We will stage a campaign that will make Shock and Awe look like a child's birthday party. Really. We're serious here. But first, could you rub our tummies? Please!!!!!! Boy, that was one short war. O.K., Rooney c'mon over here. xxx dad

the kitten chronicles - resumes

The wandering Big Cat is back from his adventures in New Zealand and everyone is mighty relieved at Casa Big Cat. Apparently the only misadventures were that Rufus got trapped in the Muskoka room for a day and rearranged my sheet music. And of course left
a present on the floor. The lads had also managed to open the door to get inside the blue box and had strewn cat food lids all over the floor. Gorette comes today so everything will soon be ship-shape. Much purring throughout the entire house - the Big Cat is back! The Big Cat is back!! xxx dad